texts from last full moon

[thejoyrider]

♥

(use texts from the website, change them up to fit the situation or write your own!)

Comments

Hector | Castlevania

[petcromancer]

1. I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!

2. I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious

3. Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog parents.

3

[plasticasshole]

That’s actually a very good idea, though.

[petcromancer]

Isn't it? Nobody deserves it more than he does, to be honest.

2

[battlebound]

And?

[ Why did he get this text? ]

[petcromancer]

Do you not have any buff friends with questionable standards?

[You got it because alcohol, buddy. Now help a friend out.]

[battlebound]

[ You know, now that Steak thinks about it, most of his friends here are girls. Or Red Wine. ]

I have a friend with questionable standards.

[ stEAK no. ]

[petcromancer]

You aren't selling the 'buff' aspect. Send me a picture.

[steak you disaster.]

[battlebound]

[ who knows how he got this picture, but he did, so have it. ]

[petcromancer]

Acceptable. You two can come over.

[battlebound]

I'll leave him with you.

[ f r e e d o m ???? ]

[petcromancer]

I said buff 'guys', plural. If you're only providing one questionable friend, you're staying. If he agrees with you pimping him out like this, he probably wants you there too.

2

[enkidoh]

i am not a buff guy and i do not think precious is a good way to describe you, hector.

you are more. you look like a likeable human.

[petcromancer]

...[Oh, Enkidu.]

I know I'm not precious. It's not literal.

Do you...understand the concept of saying something inaccurate in bed to please a lover?

[enkidoh]

if you say something inaccurate when pleasing someone who's called a lover, that lover-person will not be pleased.

so do not say anything inaccurate.

it would lessen the time spent in bed.

[petcromancer]

I

[Talking to Enkidu about bedroom practices feels almost as wrong as the time he said 'fuck' in front of Leslie. He's going to type this out as delicately as possible, but he still hates it.]

Have you never called someone a pet name...a term of endearment...or said something hyperbolic like 'I'll die if you don't touch me'? It's like that. You say something to convey a feeling, even though it's not true.

[enkidoh]

[Oh Hector, you sweet summer child.]

now why would you lie to the one you are sharing the bed with? if i tell my friend that i want to be touched he might be playful at first but eventually he will touch me.

i think the word you are looking for is 'exaggerating'.

[petcromancer]

[Hector's over here getting kinkshamed by clay. He's giving up.]

Alright. Am I not allowed to 'exaggerate' that I'm precious?

2

[cryptsleeper]

...Wrong number, Hector.

[petcromancer]

[fuck, why does he even have this number??]

What's Sypha's number? [She'll understand what he's talking about, he assumes.]

[cryptsleeper]

Are you asking to borrow myself and Trevor????

[petcromancer]

No!

I have a stupid faun impulse and I need to talk to someone who could commiserate. There's presumably some reason she keeps you around, and it can't be for your personalities.

[cryptsleeper]

Actually it is for our personalities, we just get along with you like oil and water.

definitely not for Alucard's fat titties.

[petcromancer]

Sure, Adrian.

I actually have managed to get along civilly enough with your allies.

and trevor's fatter ones

[cryptsleeper]

[DID HE JUST???
ADRIAN?!?!]

I meant you and me specifically in that statement.

[petcromancer]

[Hey, do you think your doting papa called you by your edgelord name when he bragged about you, back during that first visit?]

I can't argue with that.