[She seems bemused at admitting that, as if amused by her own folly and flaws.]
I thought though from what little experience I did have that maybe you had similar troubles as well. To do for others is one thing but to do for yourself is... a bit more taxing, hm?
[There she huffs out a laugh. She's starting to delve a little too much into thought here isn't she. Is this really the time for deep emotional reflection? Her thoughts had always been so focused on others that she did little real thinking on herself to be bluntly honest.]
What everyone else thinks about bonds doesn't much matter. You're the one dealing with it. And you're the one that defines the bonds you do have, yes?
[Glancing back at him her brows perk up, bemusement replaced with soft curiosity.]
Do you want to be that open some day? With anyone?
[To show them all the dark corners and sad thoughts and so on?]
[There's a faint hint of fluster in his voice, which perhaps is the real thing that would be out of place with the Alucard Maria has met. He seems a distant, colder creature. The thing Alucard wanted to be after he killed his father. The thing Trevor and Sypha have refused to allow.]
I don't think you're wrong. About either point, doing for oneself and where the court of public opinion should stand on bonds. [Why would he be this cold with someone like this though?
He's projecting that assumption. There's so much that could change in 300 years, he knows that.]
--I think that it's...[He knows what this answer is. He's going to be messy as he says it.] Trevor and Sypha witnessed the worst thing that I have done. That means I'm already as open as I could be with anyone. I think in the future it will be harder. It'll force me to put those acts into words, and that will be the real thing I'm judged on.
[In what little time they've chatted Maria had ended up both marveling at and saddened by the myriad of differences. It's terribly easy to classify the Alucard she only vaguely knows and this man -- Adrian, she reminds herself -- as different people.
They aren't. It's almost frightening in a way to think how despite the surprising fluster to his voice and the messy, perhaps awkward way he explains things at this moment. Could three hundred years bring so much difference? Or... no, perhaps not so much true difference but simply a veneer, an image worn.]
You're far from self-centered.
[Her tone is gentle but solid. She isn't insistent on the opinion but it's clear she believes what she says.
Those acts, those deeds he can't quite force himself to voice, the judgement that comes with such ... how heavy. She can almost hear Richter's words, empathizing on how hard it must have been to kill his father and Alucard's admittance of how it wasn't an easy thing to do.
"The only thing necessary for evil to triumph is for good men to do nothing."
She rightfully fights the urge to lay a hand on his shoulder and laces her fingers together as she settles her hands into her lap.]
You are not your past, Adrian. What the future will be is yours to shape. There is nothing you have to do right this moment. If you must put those acts into words then take your time in finding them. Don't feel forced to voice them simply because you think you should.
[But-- the words she had so wanted to say to the cold man she had gone after seem clear now, by far and away clearer than they had been when she went after him anyhow.]
Just don't shut yourself away because you can't find those words right now, alright?
[There's a doubtful look in his eyes at the claim that no, he isn't self centered. Alucard can only point to this conversation to contradict that simple fact, as they have done naught but focus on him and his particulars rather than truly turn to Maria.
She knows him in her way, after all. He knows nothing of her, and in that there feels a certain imbalance that ought to be corrected.
Her words though. They give Alucard pause, if only because they seem to address both himself and the future. It is a strange but fascinating balance, and Alucard doesn't know the best way to address them.
A sad, distant smile flickers across his face.]
I can only say that I will try. [Try and hope for the best.]
Your future. You've met me, but you've said so little else.
[Huh. Well honestly it's not that much of a surprise. It isn't that Maria doesn't think she's worth talking about but, well, she'd much rather learn about others so.
She's ready to brush off talk of so much sadness however so with still perked eyebrows and curiosity on her face she offers:]
[Maria has to pause and think on that. Oh she had a basic enough knowledge of history given her upbringing but Maria isn't really the sort to concentrate on it too in-depth either.]
I believe Wallachia has been part of the Ottoman Empire for some time now? There was a war in ...
[Hold on here. She can almost here the scolding tones of her tutor now.]
1690, I think? Well the first of many anyhow between the Ottoman Empire and Russia. Peasants serving lords isn't so much a thing now as it once was thanks to serfdom being done away with.
[Her eyes narrow a little as she tries to remember what had been happening to the country in this past year. Frankly her sights were too set on Richter so...]
Nicholas Mavrogenes was the latest prince I believe. He was taken off the throne a few years ago so there's been another war from that unfortunately.
[She looks a little apologetic.]
I hadn't realized there was so much fighting until now. I'm afraid I may have spent a number of years since the Belmonts took me in concentrating on our hunt of the night creatures. My studies in history have fallen off for that sort of training.
[Well and the Belmonts while better liked now than they once were weren't exactly the same nobility as the Renards. Mostly due to the whole fighting thing, though the Renards weren't without their own weaponry.]
The Ottomans were only just beginning to exert control in my time, but--
[There's some good things in this. Serfdom being abolished is a big one, but fighting? That's familiar. A little too familiar, all things considered. Alucard grew up away from the world, but with Trevor and Sypha, he understood certain things all the same. The chaos of growing up in Wallachia as Vlad III tried to keep the Ottomans out. The ever growing stresses of fighting an empire. The fact that what his father did created more opportunity for the Ottomans to exploit.
He sighs, offering a very faint laugh.]
Wallachia inivites this, I think. There's a natural chaos to it, no matter what one does or who may be in charge.
Very well. I wouldn't necessarily say we're friends with some of the more religious around us but they haven't really bothered us either.
[She thinks of Richter though.]
But then it also means no one truly remembers the family. Perhaps it's better that way but it does have downsides. Richter... he was afraid of being forgotten in the end, I think. With Dracula in his grave once more I think he couldn't see what purpose he could serve or what important he might have left.
That's good. [Near warmth almost rolls off Alucard. That the Church is leaving the Belmonts be? That's beyond good. That's amazing. He doesn't ask if it's true for all of Wallachia - he can settle for now.]
There's some value in being anonymous. It prevents things like the excommunication that-- [Maria probably already knows.]
He'll find purpose. No one should be defined by Dracula's legacy.
[At that she nods firmly. He would eventually and of that she had little doubt.]
I suppose with the trouble his family has been through in the past he certainly deserves it. I don't know much of what happened of course.
[She doesn't miss the warmth though. Things click nicely into place as she recalls a distinct moment in the castle.]
Oh! That's who you must have meant then!
[... Well, not him him but ... ah, time is so complicated.]
We ran into each other several times within the castle while I was searching for Richter. I had hoped you had seen him and while you did recognize the Belmont name, I had thought you must know Richter. Then when we met again later you said there was a Belmont in the castle but you didn't know if it was Richter or not.
[She nods some to herself.]
It certainly puts Richter's disbelief it was you into more perspective then.
[How was it he put it? "That was over 300 years ago!" ... Hadn't he mentioned Trevor then too?
Oh dear. Maria sighs to herself. She'd have to think of a way to apologize to that brute of a man, wouldn't she.]
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no subject
[She seems bemused at admitting that, as if amused by her own folly and flaws.]
I thought though from what little experience I did have that maybe you had similar troubles as well. To do for others is one thing but to do for yourself is... a bit more taxing, hm?
[There she huffs out a laugh. She's starting to delve a little too much into thought here isn't she. Is this really the time for deep emotional reflection? Her thoughts had always been so focused on others that she did little real thinking on herself to be bluntly honest.]
What everyone else thinks about bonds doesn't much matter. You're the one dealing with it. And you're the one that defines the bonds you do have, yes?
[Glancing back at him her brows perk up, bemusement replaced with soft curiosity.]
Do you want to be that open some day? With anyone?
[To show them all the dark corners and sad thoughts and so on?]
no subject
[There's a faint hint of fluster in his voice, which perhaps is the real thing that would be out of place with the Alucard Maria has met. He seems a distant, colder creature. The thing Alucard wanted to be after he killed his father. The thing Trevor and Sypha have refused to allow.]
I don't think you're wrong. About either point, doing for oneself and where the court of public opinion should stand on bonds. [Why would he be this cold with someone like this though?
He's projecting that assumption. There's so much that could change in 300 years, he knows that.]
--I think that it's...[He knows what this answer is. He's going to be messy as he says it.] Trevor and Sypha witnessed the worst thing that I have done. That means I'm already as open as I could be with anyone. I think in the future it will be harder. It'll force me to put those acts into words, and that will be the real thing I'm judged on.
no subject
They aren't. It's almost frightening in a way to think how despite the surprising fluster to his voice and the messy, perhaps awkward way he explains things at this moment. Could three hundred years bring so much difference? Or... no, perhaps not so much true difference but simply a veneer, an image worn.]
You're far from self-centered.
[Her tone is gentle but solid. She isn't insistent on the opinion but it's clear she believes what she says.
Those acts, those deeds he can't quite force himself to voice, the judgement that comes with such ... how heavy. She can almost hear Richter's words, empathizing on how hard it must have been to kill his father and Alucard's admittance of how it wasn't an easy thing to do.
"The only thing necessary for evil to triumph is for good men to do nothing."
She rightfully fights the urge to lay a hand on his shoulder and laces her fingers together as she settles her hands into her lap.]
You are not your past, Adrian. What the future will be is yours to shape. There is nothing you have to do right this moment. If you must put those acts into words then take your time in finding them. Don't feel forced to voice them simply because you think you should.
[But-- the words she had so wanted to say to the cold man she had gone after seem clear now, by far and away clearer than they had been when she went after him anyhow.]
Just don't shut yourself away because you can't find those words right now, alright?
no subject
She knows him in her way, after all. He knows nothing of her, and in that there feels a certain imbalance that ought to be corrected.
Her words though. They give Alucard pause, if only because they seem to address both himself and the future. It is a strange but fascinating balance, and Alucard doesn't know the best way to address them.
A sad, distant smile flickers across his face.]
I can only say that I will try. [Try and hope for the best.]
Your future. You've met me, but you've said so little else.
no subject
I haven't?
[Huh. Well honestly it's not that much of a surprise. It isn't that Maria doesn't think she's worth talking about but, well, she'd much rather learn about others so.
She's ready to brush off talk of so much sadness however so with still perked eyebrows and curiosity on her face she offers:]
You're welcome to ask whatever you like then.
no subject
[It's a wide place to start, but it seems easiest to begin with the impersonal.]
i'm not a scholar, i just abuse wikipedia very thoroughly
I believe Wallachia has been part of the Ottoman Empire for some time now? There was a war in ...
[Hold on here. She can almost here the scolding tones of her tutor now.]
1690, I think? Well the first of many anyhow between the Ottoman Empire and Russia. Peasants serving lords isn't so much a thing now as it once was thanks to serfdom being done away with.
[Her eyes narrow a little as she tries to remember what had been happening to the country in this past year. Frankly her sights were too set on Richter so...]
Nicholas Mavrogenes was the latest prince I believe. He was taken off the throne a few years ago so there's been another war from that unfortunately.
[She looks a little apologetic.]
I hadn't realized there was so much fighting until now. I'm afraid I may have spent a number of years since the Belmonts took me in concentrating on our hunt of the night creatures. My studies in history have fallen off for that sort of training.
[Well and the Belmonts while better liked now than they once were weren't exactly the same nobility as the Renards. Mostly due to the whole fighting thing, though the Renards weren't without their own weaponry.]
wallachian history is also chaotic as shit
[There's some good things in this. Serfdom being abolished is a big one, but fighting? That's familiar. A little too familiar, all things considered. Alucard grew up away from the world, but with Trevor and Sypha, he understood certain things all the same. The chaos of growing up in Wallachia as Vlad III tried to keep the Ottomans out. The ever growing stresses of fighting an empire. The fact that what his father did created more opportunity for the Ottomans to exploit.
He sighs, offering a very faint laugh.]
Wallachia inivites this, I think. There's a natural chaos to it, no matter what one does or who may be in charge.
[But in that, something else.]
What is it like with them now?
no subject
[At least that's who she imagines he means.]
Very well. I wouldn't necessarily say we're friends with some of the more religious around us but they haven't really bothered us either.
[She thinks of Richter though.]
But then it also means no one truly remembers the family. Perhaps it's better that way but it does have downsides. Richter... he was afraid of being forgotten in the end, I think. With Dracula in his grave once more I think he couldn't see what purpose he could serve or what important he might have left.
no subject
There's some value in being anonymous. It prevents things like the excommunication that-- [Maria probably already knows.]
He'll find purpose. No one should be defined by Dracula's legacy.
no subject
I suppose with the trouble his family has been through in the past he certainly deserves it. I don't know much of what happened of course.
[She doesn't miss the warmth though. Things click nicely into place as she recalls a distinct moment in the castle.]
Oh! That's who you must have meant then!
[... Well, not him him but ... ah, time is so complicated.]
We ran into each other several times within the castle while I was searching for Richter. I had hoped you had seen him and while you did recognize the Belmont name, I had thought you must know Richter. Then when we met again later you said there was a Belmont in the castle but you didn't know if it was Richter or not.
[She nods some to herself.]
It certainly puts Richter's disbelief it was you into more perspective then.
[How was it he put it? "That was over 300 years ago!" ... Hadn't he mentioned Trevor then too?
Oh dear. Maria sighs to herself. She'd have to think of a way to apologize to that brute of a man, wouldn't she.]