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TDM: January
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aefenglom's test drive! All threads can be considered game canon, should you choose to do so; regardless of if you pick specific threads to remain canon to the game, the prompts and test drive itself will be. This will be touched on later in-game, so it's fairly important to note! Aside from that, here are some quick reminders:• Reserves Open Today! If you're interested in securing a spot, put one in! We accept applications without reserves too, of course. Reserves will expire three days before the end of the application period, on the 28th.With that taken care of...
• Applications Open The 24th! These will last until the end of the month, the 31st, with the intro log going up on February 1st. The application page can be found here. As a reminder, this will be our last uncapped application round!
• If you have any questions about the game or the world, please refer to the FAQ page; if you still have questions, feel free to ask them! For questions specific to the test drive, please ask them on the appropriate thread.
• For the purposes of the test drive, your character will have access to all magics taught by the Coven if they're a Witch, and as much of their shifted form as you'd like if they're a Monster. Feel free to play around and experiment with each!
• Test drive threads can be used as samples for your applications!
You feel like you're floating. Around you, colors and sounds and smells swirl as if trapped in a whirlpool, vibrancy and hue ever shifting. The more you watch them, the less solid they are; they only become clear out of the corner of your eye. The area around you begins to feel more solid as well, until your feet are on the ground, the wind brushes playfully against your face -
and you know one thing, and one thing alone: this is a dream, and an incredibly realistic one at that.
The Prehistoric Wilde
Thick summer heat hangs heavy over the uninfected landscape like a damp blanket, smothering. The jungle around you is thick and wet, full of the sounds of chittering animals and the high-pitched drone of insects. The flora and fauna are like nothing you've ever seen before, large and alien in colors and shapes, though they bear no signs of the Cwyld. Flowers the size of a man's head and brightly colored in rainbow hues curl their tendrils invitingly, and giant mosquitoes buzz through the air seeking a meal. You can barely see the glow of the twin moons through the thick canopy above. There are no signs of civilization - at least, not the civilization most will be used to; only the distant sound of the river, compelling you to follow its winding path. But will you go forward, or will you go back?
 Rumble in the Jungle Making headway through the jungle at night is a chore. The foliage grows thick and the humid heat is oppressive for even those who enjoy the warmth. There are no clear paths here, no easy way through. The canopy of the ancient trees far, far over your head is just as dense, but the faintest moonlight filters through the holes left by the huge leaves in stippling patterns across the musty forest floor. 'Large' seems to be the theme - lining whatever path you pick your way through, there are pitcher plants massive enough to swallow a grown man, with small animals and giant insects being digested down inside the sticky liquid that fills them. The flowers are as big as a man's head, and come in a rainbow of colors, their venomous tendrils curling toward signs of life. The trunks of some of the trees are as thick as houses, and shade the ground beneath them with leaves like umbrellas. The hand-sized mosquitoes thrive in the sticky heat and if not killed first, can make off with a full pint of blood from an unsuspecting person. At some point in your journey, the ground begins to rumble beneath your feet. The farther you go, the longer you walk, the more signs of life become visible: thick, winding trails of crushed foliage, huge, animalistic footprints in the mud. Luckily, to this world, you are small and insignificant, and may escape the notice of the local Monsters - the massive, prehistoric ancestors of today's Monsters. They seem like giants, colossal Titanoboa Nagas with hollow fangs like swords, towering Fauns with the lower halves of mammoths, sabertooth Turnskins, pterodactyl Harpies with leathery wings. Even the parts of them that resemble humans (and they have far fewer human-like parts than their modern counterparts) are larger than any actual human being. They operate primarily on instinct, made even stronger by the full moons above, and perceive the strange new creatures as threats - or food. Sticking to the river seems safest - at least until you run into megalodon Merrow, singing an alien, but alluring, song to draw in prey, or the apex predator of this prehistoric world - Dragons, bigger and scalier than the ones Mirrorbound may know, stopped to drink at the river. All other Monsters flee from the huge reptiles, lest they become food themselves. Luckily you can defend yourself with your new abilities, or your neat changes - you're small, but not totally helpless. Interesting to note... while all other Monster types are represented, there are no Fae or Chimeras in the Wilde here, and the Vampires are more like huge bat-monsters that traverse the jungle on all fours than humanoid bloodsuckers. |
 The Natives Going backward, away from the distant sounds of the sea and against the current of the river, leads you through dense jungle. How long have you traversed the landscape? Hours? Days? Time passes funny in dreams. Eventually the trees thin out, grow taller and less leafy, and the air becomes drier. Instead of loamy soil beneath your feet, you start to feel rocky, harder earth, and spot outcroppings of stone. The sun begins to rise, which makes it easier to spot people on the horizon, a little settlement coming to life in the morning, nestled where the river forks into two. They're much hardier than the familiar people of Aefenglom, sunburned and dressed in natural, rough fabrics. Their homes, if one can call them that, are shoddy little structures made of sticks and leaves and mud, pressed up against the sturdiness of the stone formations. And, when they spot strangers approaching their village, they scramble for their weapons - crude clubs, stone axes, even just large rocks snatched up off the ground. The translation magic works on them, thankfully. Their speech is halted and simple, but they get their point across. Tell them who you are, or they'll beat your brains in. Monsters might get their brains beat in anyway if they aren't careful, even though they're much smaller than the Monsters these humans are used to. And Witches? May the gods help you if you use magic in front of these terrified, unevolved people, lest they mistake you for a Fae (the word is whispered with fear and revulsion in their voices) and swarm you with simple iron tools. If you're an actual Fae, an obvious Fae? They'll whisk their children into their huts protectively and then run you right out of the village. Violently. The truly observant, or those who can see through illusions, among you may notice something strange, though. Some Fae actually seem to live among them, heavily cloaked in natural illusions, with the primitive humans none the wiser. There are just a few, but all of them look young, twelve or thirteen at the oldest, and they are all scared of their secret coming to light. Fae who get caught tend to be burned at the stake around here. |
 The Invaders Perhaps you chose to go forward, with the current and toward the distant sound of ocean waves, where the river pours into the sea. More long-time residents of Aefenglom may notice that the shoreline is familiarly-shaped, but wider, bigger, not yet worn down by thousands of years of erosion. There is no bustling Harbor, only the waves crashing on the rocks, small islands dotting the water near the shore. There is no Bright Wall - there is no city, even, only an expanse of beach transitioning gently into an idyllic grove dotted with gauzy, pointed tents, and a beautiful, gilded ship half sunk into the sandy earth. It seems safer than the jungle, at first - until you notice all the Fae. They're more insectoid than the ones many are familiar with, with big, glittering eyes and either bright, jewel-toned wings like dragonflies or butterflies, or delicate, leafy wings in greens and browns. They're also taller than modern, lesser Fae, though not by much, and they're thin and angular, standing on spindly limbs that barely seem able to hold them. Characters receive a warmer welcome here, by the band of true Fae that have made their camp in the grove, though the alien-looking beings have a tendency to treat them like toys, children, or both, cooing over their sizes and their magic. "Look at the little Monsters! Aren't they cute!" "We should make some of our own! And oh, the little humans have magic! Delightful!" It's hard to have a conversation with one - they're condescending at best, and at worst, flit off to another entertainment out of boredom while you're mid-sentence. And entertainments abound in their camp. They're served and tended to like emperors by collared humans - adults and young adults do the heavy labor, including pulling grand little chariots for transportation, though there are some highly-supervised human children running about fetching drinks and fanning their Fae masters with palm leaves. Farther out, a large, deep pit has been dug out of the earth, ringed by a waist-high barrier of logs, a few Fae gathering at the barrier and leaning over, talking in conversational, happy voices. Down below, Chimera gladiators fight for their amusement, while the Fae keep up running commentary, discussing each warrior's chances, new breeding prospects, interesting crossbreeds their fellows have come up with ("She's trying an Arachne and a Turnskin together, how delightful!"). Trying to disrupt the proceedings will only result in the Fae turning their magic on you - illusions and curses, nasty little tricks. Sit down, silly little ones! The fight is just getting good! Or maybe... Maybe they'll toss you into the pit to see what your chances are in battle. |
RUMBLE IN THE JUNGLE and a side dish of word vomit i'm so sorry
lan zhan. it’s what he thinks he hears when he oddly realizes he can’t wake up. the air is bloated with the stench of mud and sweat and moss, and his pulse buzzes in his ears, heartbeat heavier as he moves through ropy vines dripping off of enormous trees. it’s hot, his head is like molasses, and he feels weaker than he ever has before; his sword is unsheathed, and his golden core is useless. there’s something else in its stead, some kind of force, different, though it’s just a dream, and he needs to wake up.
lan zhan!
he stops. there’s noise, and a distinct voice he hasn’t heard in years. his back stiffens; it aches, because even if he’s always stood tall and dignified, the invisible weight on his shoulders has left him permanently crooked, where his heart is concerned. wei wuxian is dead. he chose to die because lan wangji couldn’t be strong enough to fully and openly stand by his side, and now his voice haunts him. it’s no better than his usual dream, and truth be told, it’s well-deserved.
it’s just. odd. steps approach, branches and leaves slapping against one another, and then there’s a flurry of black and red, a scream, and something crashes into him—someone—causing lan wangji to stagger backward. he doesn’t fall, though when he just as quickly straightens up with his sword at the ready, he catches a glimpse of long lashes, dread on the same face he sees every night, and his eyes widen and his lungs ice over, his knees almost giving in.
he stares, mildly agape, but his breath in the back of his throat, stuck on a name that won’t come out, holds a chasm of old hurts that sting in his eyes, knuckles white around the pommel of his sword.
wei ying. )
YOU SHOULD BE how can you hurt me this way....
wei wuxian trembles for just a moment longer before lifting his head, the scent of sandalwood already making him wide-eyed and hopeful. there's dirt on his face now too, and blood from a thorn scratch on his temple. it's only the smile that's different this time. it's brighter, more like the wei wuxian who embraced life over death.]
Lan Zhan! You're here.
[it's more relief than surprise. he knew, somehow, that he could call his name and lan wangji would find him. the rest of the world has slowly been turning their backs on him, but hanguang-jun keeps pushing against the tide to be by wei wuxian's side, even in dreams. he said he was still his soulmate on the mountain. wei wuxian vows then and there to start trusting him on that.
as long as he doesn't let him get eaten. he slides around the other man's side, fingers curling into lan wangji's shoulders as he peeks over one. his thumb brushes against a hard ridge of something through the thin fabric, but for now he can pay the curiosity of that no mind.]
Do you hear it anywhere? Lan Zhan, let's go before it catches our scent.
oh my god WAS THIS PAYBACK BECAUSE IT WORKED
dreams are cruel, though he’ll be damned if he doesn’t bask in what’s given to him now. he reaches out for him, an abrupt and tight grip around his wrist. he feels more real than he should, and lan wangji’s gaze bores into his like he doesn’t quite understand but desperately wants to. wei ying. and then there’s another noise and lan wangji’s head snaps sideways, squinting through the lush and thick foliage.
It’s swift, and instinctive; he fully shifts in front of him, using his body as a shield as a low and deep growl shakes the ground beneath them. he’s let go of his wrist; his free arm is raised as added protection, though he doesn’t mean to fight here if he can help it, not if it means having to divide his attention. he cranes his neck, looking over his shoulder and feeling a thousand pangs as he catches another glimpse of him. focus. ) Run, and don’t look back. ( a nod, subdued vehemence in his gaze. ) I will follow you.
i have surrendered for the moment.
[as if everything isn't wrong in this hellscape. but they've faced danger together before, the possibility of death too. there's something more in lan wangji's eyes when grips him tight, and at that moment, the world around them goes away. danger is secondary. it's just the two of them, each with his own burden but still eager to take half the other's.
and then there's a growl from deeper in the jungle. wei wuxian plasters himself against lan wangji's back at the rumble of it. it's more than just wei wuxian's fear of dogs that makes him do it, it's also his faith in lan wangji. it's that same faith that needs only the briefest of hesitations before he nods back at him. wei wuxian is no longer worried. lan wangji is better than any monster in this jungle. and if he says he'll follow him, he will. it's as simple as that.
he turns to run, his hair and ribbon whipping behind him as he races through the jungle. he feels quicker than he normally does, even faster than when he had his golden core. wei wuxian actually forces himself to slow down, but for one reason.
lan zhan told him to not look back, so he doesn't. but he does reach back until he finds his hand.]
the possibility of death tho SHAKES YOU
but wei wuxian is no ghost, and if this is indeed a dream, lan wangji isn’t sure he wants to wake up.
he meets him halfway, an iron grip around his hand; this time, he won’t slip away. he’ll follow him to the ends of the world if necessary, and as they run through trees and pools of muddy water, lan wangji distantly notes a faint sort of aura around them, like a translucent shield. he doesn’t know how long they run for, though the squelching noises behind them gradually subside, and lan wangji slows down, giving wei wuxian’s hand a little pull and refusing to let go.
the scenery has changed. it’s greener here, with the chuckle of a stream nearby. he stops when a far-off cry is quickly silenced, alert as he scans their surroundings. his fingers are still tightly intertwined with his, and if he has a million questions, a million wishes and a million fears he doesn’t know how to voice, there’s only one thing he manages to say as his focus swivels back to him and sharpens, still dazed in disbelief. )
Wei Ying. ( the sound of that name on his own tongue again nearly has his knees buckling. it’s a question, a wish, a fear. he quickly finds that he can’t say anything else, but all things considered... it already means everything. )
oh my god, you've killed me though
he's panting hard by the time they stop running. the world around them seems different now, brighter, with more signs of life than death. maybe it's because lan wangji is there with him and hasn't let go. there's a smile on wei wuxian's lips when he turns to face him. it feels like he hasn't smiled like this in forever, bright and happy despite his exhaustion.
his smile fades a little, because his name sounds strange when lan wangji says it, too soft and too sad. wei wuxian blinks before reaching up to wipe some of the other man's sweat away with his sleeve. maybe they ran too fast or too long. it just felt easy to him.]
Lan Zhan, what's wrong? You look like you've seen a ghost.
[and then his smile is back, as bright as ever. ]
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it’s what it feels like. utter exhaustion, and the urge to reach out and crush him against his body is nearly unbearable. he doesn’t, because lan wangji is still lan wangji, and here he staggers on a very thin line, hope and dread on each side. holding his gaze is difficult; his fingers twitch, lightly trembling, and he probably stares too long before his eyes ultimately slide off him, a little strained. ) You’re here. ( there’s a knot between his brows, a little wistful, almost like he’s testing the words to convince himself that wei wuxian really is here… but then something catches his attention. it’s still wei wuxian—it couldn’t be anything else—his arm, specifically, sparse tufts of white poking out from his sleeve, and lan wangji looks up with a mild air of confusion about him.
…fur? )
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he looks heartbroken, and wei wuxian feels the echoing ache of it in his own chest. he squeezes his trembling hand, swallowing hard before taking a step closer. still in lan wangji's periphery when he looks away.]
I'm here. [he confirms it, nodding, ready with a smile again when lan wangji notices the bits of fur peeking out of his sleeve. he finally pulls his hand away then, hiding it behind his back with an embarrassed little laugh.] Your guess is as good as mine, Lan Zhan.
[he doesn't know why it's there either even when he probably should. is this a dream or not?]
Lan Zhan, do you feel...different?
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he’s embarrassed. it’s a sight he’s not often seen, and lan wangji keeps staring in silence, feeling the weight of wei wuxian’s absence between his fingers. they curl, tighten into a loose fist at his side, perhaps to keep himself from reaching out again. does he feel different. it’s the understatement of the century, and wei wuxian couldn’t possibly know just how loaded that simple question truly is.
he nods after a moment, allowing his gaze to drift down. he hasn’t extensively tested anything, but he knows he’s not completely powerless here, a foreign something inside him that simmers beneath his skin. he lifts his empty hand, palm up. it’s hot and humid and very uncomfortable, and it’s what he focuses on as he closes his eyes; he doesn’t know what he’s doing but he also does, and when he opens them again, there’s a tiny, icy-blue flame in the crook of his hand, his skin around it much colder. he doesn’t just feel different; he is. )
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None of my tricks seem to work here.
[he admits it quietly. his flute only plays music. the tiger seal is just hunks of metal.]
I'm going to have to start all over again.
[even softer, nearly to himself. he has no golden core, no demonic cultivation. all he has is some extra body hair and strength in his legs.
and lan wangji. and maybe that's all he really needs. wei wuxian looks at him again and sighs, more relief than anything. the softer smile on his lips suggests the same. his fingers move away from the magic to curl around the other man's wrist again.]
Lan Zhan, this might be the first time in my life that I've wanted water more than liquor. Let's find some and you can drink with me.
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he follows him, and then he doesn’t, walking right beside him instead. what they need is a way out of here, but he’s parched as well, and the only water available seems to be coming from a stream nearby. a waterfall feeds into it; it’s clear enough, and lan wangji’s heart stops for a second when he catches a glimpse of their reflection. ) Here. ( he wills himself to mentally stray from his inner turmoil and drops to a crouch, letting go of his sword to cup his hands together and break the surface. the water’s warm, though his skin is still cold from the spell. he doesn’t even hesitate; he rises to his feet and turns towards wei wuxian, a silent offering. )
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he's by his side again. suddenly all the dangers and annoyances don't matter as much.
wei wuxian seriously considers falling face-first into the stream, or maybe standing under the waterfall until the sun goes down. it's not without its risks; a place with monsters on land likely spells monsters in the water as well. he's still weighing the odds when his partner kneels down.]
Huh? [he blinks softly, watching lan wangji with something akin to awe as he pools water in his hands and then rises. the sight of him fills him with warmth, in his chest and the pit of his stomach. and wei wuxian, idiot that he is, blames it on the jungle. but he still grins brightly, wrapping both his hands around the other man's wrists. he looks up at lan wangji through the dark fringe of his lashes before taking a long drink, pulling it through parched lips and down a dry throat. the water is cooler than it would be straight from the stream, and he could drink it all down. but wei wuxian stops halfway through, pushing lan wangji's hands back to him.] You too. You're as thirsty as I am.
[wei wuxian wipes his chin on his sleeve and takes an assessing look around them.]
We should stay here for the night.
[he's not waking up. he's accepting that.]
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he drinks his share, then looks around him. branches, leaves, rocks. flying things above them, higher than the dense canopy. they’ve been stranded together once. in a cave, drained and injured, a deadly monster as their sole companion. they survived then and they’ll survive now, and if lan wangji can’t count on his golden core to help, his sword will have to do, as well as the newfound powers he has no idea how to fully control.
something familiar, for now; he picks up a few branches, some leaves and some rocks, building somewhat of a makeshift shelter against the trunk of a huge tree. everything is sort of enormous around here, which helps. ) I will stand watch. ( which basically means, wei ying, get in here before something chops your head off. he doesn’t stop to look at him though, focused on his task, wiping the sweat off his brow with the back of his forearm. )
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Eh, Lan Zhan. I'm not some maiden that needs protecting.
[all of this seems to be for his benefit, and while that's touching, they're in this together.]
Lan Zhan, let's both get in. [he remembers how he felt after he lost his golden core, weak and tired compared to who he was before. but he knows lan wangji would never admit to feeling that on his own.] Besides, you stand out too much.
[this world is made of shades of greens and browns. lan wangji is a beacon in white. wei wuxian gives his shoulder a pat before kneeling to crawl inside the hastily made shelter, poking his head back out a moment later.]
Lan Zhan, are you coming?
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aren’t you thowei wuxian is definitely able to defend himself despite his various theatrics—wasn’t he screaming his name just a half hour ago?—but it’s lan wangji’s sanity that needs protecting so please just do it. there’s only so much his flute can achieve here, which is both a blessing and a curse. mostly a blessing, all things considered, though there is no way to know what they could possibly face here.it’s the main reason why lan wangji doesn’t move, even though he does stand out. let a guy mourn in peace, wei wuxian. )
No. ( firm. even. because first of all, there isn’t much space in there, and second of all... ) You were thirsty. ( he shifts to lean against the bark, slowly sinking down until he’s seated beside him, outside of the shelter. his gaze is riveted on the stream. ) There’ll be others. ( creatures they don’t know, parched as well, and when they come, he wants to be ready. )
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look, just because he's fainting into lan zhan's arms every other day-]Lan Zhan!
[wei wuxian frowns at his stubbornness. yes, others will undoubtedly come to the stream for a drink. but it's presumably a long stream. it doesn't mean they will come to their exact location. he sighs heavily, watching the other man for a moment. considering the mood lan wangji seems to be in, he should probably just be thankful that he's sitting down.
he crawls back inside, sitting shoulder to shoulder with him if not for the "wall" between them. he's not helpless, but right now he is less help. fortunately, wei wuxian's mind is still sharp. he'll think of something.
he looks to his side, picturing lan zhan sitting there beside him, keeping watch over him.
he has to.]
Lan Zhan, it's going to be past your bedtime soon. I can at least stay awake and keep you company. [he smiles at the thought of a sudden advantage.] And you can't make me be silent. Maybe it's not all bad here. At least we're not trapped with any monsters this time.
[not technically, anyway.]
Still... [his voice grows softer as he continues.] I can't help but feel like it's my fault that you're here.
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...who somehow manages to blame himself for this. whether it’s an actual dream remains to be seen, though lan wangji isn’t about to fault him for being stuck here. he’s glad for it, if anything, because despite all the lurking dangers, wei wuxian’s alive, and it’s more than anything he’s ever wished for. it is a dream come true, a chance for wei wuxian to start anew, to be understood, and lan wangji’s own guilt feels tight in his throat, chin lowered. )
I don’t mind being here. ( with you, a confession left unsaid as he slowly breathes in and lets his arm relax against wei wuxian’s, eyes a little unfocused across the stream as he cautiously avoids wei wuxian’s gaze. )
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but then lan wangji says that he doesn't mind it. a little of the heaviness lifts from his heart, especially when it's so easy to fill in the blanks left by lan wangji's words. he stares at his profile for a moment, smile reappearing after being gone for too long.]
Ah, Lan Wangji really takes his promises seriously. [normally it's not a good sign when he uses his courtesy name. but there's not the sharp edge to it of last time. if anything, there's a fondness in wei wuxian's voice that made it a good choice.] You'd come to help me even in a place like this.
[he makes a face while rubbing his back back and forth against the bark. wei wuxian isn't about to ask for himse help there. what he's already seen is bad enough.]
Then I don't mind being here either, as long as I have you here to keep me from being bored.
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never again. wei wuxian has always exuded contagious energy, and lan wangji’s already vowed to preserve it. he is so much more than the pariah he became. so much more than tricks or the mistakes he made. they call lan wangji hanguang-jun, but it’s wei wuxian who’s always radiated, only obscured by fear and narrow minds.
his statement doesn’t surprise him; he’s always had a taste for adventure, but boredom here should be counted as a blessing. lan wangji makes a little noise in response, akin to a snort; his eyes naturally drift towards him, then his face, not quite a smile but a brighter glint in his gaze. it feels oddly peaceful all of a sudden, but the question begs; where was he before he ended up here?
his expression dims a little, taking a few moments to formulate his thoughts. ) Wei Ying. ( another pause, his gaze briefly easing off him as he savors his name. ) Before I found you… ( or rather, before he awakened here—or fell asleep, anyway. ) ...do you remember what you were doing?
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he turns his head when he says his name, trying to make out lan wangji's face in the growing darkness. wei wuxian presses his arm against him a little more, not to push him away but just to validate his presence through the contact.
he scoffs at the question.]
Lan Zhan, my memory isn't that bad. Of course I remember. I was just leaving that disaster of a mountain hunt. [after taking thirty percent of the prey for yunmeng jiang. wei wuxian's mouth twists, both at what happened and what he also knows will.] That madam Jin, she's going to talk up that peacock son of hers like he'll ever be good enough for Shi-
[wei wuxian stops himself mid rant, wondering at the sudden strangeness of the question. lan wangji should know, he was there with him. he recalls that too now, his face right there in his periphery, hyper focused on him. his touch and the sound of his name on lan wangji's lips, the only thing holding him together when he felt like h was coming apart. even know, it helps.
he proceeds with caution.]
Lan Zhan...why did you feel the need to ask me that?
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so much has happened. so much that wei wuxian has missed, unaware of his own death, of his own losses. it’s a little harder to breathe suddenly, and lan wangji rests stiff against the bark, every inch of him tense. he doesn’t know how to tell him. he doesn’t know if he should, and when his eyes open again, droplets of rain fall upon his nose, his hands, maybe in lieu of the unshed tears he manages to hold back.
silence reigns for a moment. it’s not unusual, but this one is particularly heavy, loaded with all the things lan wangji doesn’t know how to say. and then, after a long exhale: ) I was night-hunting. ( and this is why he felt the need to ask. because he wasn’t with wei wuxian. because he’s a decade older and bears the scars of his loss, losing himself now in the contemplation of his knuckles, white around his knees, a mess of grief and disarray in his mind. )
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wei wuxian's not unaccustomed to these long silences. there's no guarantee of getting an answer at all when talking to lan wangji. he watches him anyway, and for a moment he does think that he's crying, heart leaping into his throat. but then he hears the pattering against the top of his shelter and there's relief. could he count the tears that have actually been shed for him?]
Night-hunting? [the confusion is clear in his voice. it doesn't add up.] Lan Zhan, how could you have been night-hunting already when you were just with me?
[his heart starts to pound a little faster. he thinks of the way lan wangji looked at him earlier. he looks at him now and sees small differences that he didn't notice before, or noticed and attributed to the differences between dreams and reality. his eyes go to lan wangji's hands, the tight fist and the white knuckles, and he realizes that some people fall apart more quietly than others.
he reaches over to cover that hand with his. whatever lan wangji is holding on to so tightly, wei wuxian wants him to let it go and hold on to him instead.]
Lan Zhan. [his voice is softer when he says his name. let it be his turn now. let him help hold him together.] It doesn't matter. We're here now.
YOU ARE THE MOST EVIL
his grip tightens around his knee, jaw wired shut as he stares unblinking. do better. be better. rise where you’ve fallen before, and lan wangji closes his eyes on a sharp, inaudible inhale, a mantra in his head as he focuses on the warmth and softness of wei wuxian’s skin. it doesn’t have to matter. not if he vows to find a way to right his wrongs somehow, and help wei wuxian be heard. shield him from the mess that followed his return from the burial mounds, and never leave his side. maybe this is another chance, and he can’t risk ruining it by clinging to unresolved fears and old grievances.
he doesn’t know how, or why, or when. nothing makes sense here, but he knows wei wuxian, and as he gradually recovers his inner quietude, he finds the strength to look up, at him, through the branches of the shelter. fingers loosen; he rolls his wrist to let their palms connect, a little tip of his head as he slowly blinks. and there, his lips, stretched into a gentle smile, a promise he doesn’t voice. )
but you're catching up fast!
and then wei wuxian came back from the burial mounds with shadows and secrets, and the last thing he wanted to do was inflict them on lan wangji like a curse. and then it was the other's turn to ask, let me in. how much had he let him and how much had he refused? lan wangji. he'd never locked himself up tighter than when he said that name.
and here it is his turn again, and it hurts watching the other man - his soulmate - go through whatever he's going through. it feels like it should be half his by right, and that's why wei wuxian exhales so heavily when he finally turns his hand around for him to grasp. lan wangji's smile is small, more valuable than jade, and he beams in response even as the tears sting his eyes.]
Lan Zhan.
[there's no reason to say his name, at least none beyond the sweetness of saying it. the comfort it brings as his own personal prayer.]
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so he doesn’t elude him any longer. he’s accepted his feelings for him long ago, however overwhelming. he doesn’t have a name for every single one of them—it doesn’t matter. all he knows is that he wants to be by his side, now, tomorrow. until the day he dies.
the rain patters in the rustling leaves of the trees, the makeshift nest, and wei wuxian’s skin, where lan wangji’s fingers are intertwined with his. he could gaze at him in silence for hours on end, and it feels a little less tight in his throat now, but no less cramped in his chest. it’s full of all the things he doesn’t know how to say, and it’s abstract and it’s surreal but it’s potent, warmth and hope and gratitude. he basks in the sound of his own name with the same smile that lingers a little longer, and then only a hint of tenderness remains—in his eyes, mostly, which slowly drift down. chenqing, in wei wuxian’s lap. useless here, and it’s just as well. still, he’ll need something to defend himself—aside from lan wangji’s body—and that newfound fur on his arm won’t cut it. ) Wei Ying. ( he glances back up, resolute. ) Until you find another sword, my blade is yours. ( to wield as he wishes. )
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