In the long hours he'd spent in meditation before being pulled away and changed in the brand new world of Geargadas, before he had to learn new magic and let go of the hope he would return to the silence of the hanshi, Lan Xichen had stayed awake with all of the past events of over a decade playing back in his mind. Times of war and peace that he had barely been ready to face seemed even more confusing looking back after realizing he had never really known what was going on at all. Even at the best of times, when he thought he was doing what was right, he'd missed some essential details. And he realized that, for all those smiles, Jin Guangyao had never really been happy.

Part of him desperately wants to take the man at his word now. If they can just forget the past and move on, then, yes, starting a new life would be the dream he always wanted. But that sort of naivety is what had driven him into seclusion in the first place.

"I still wish you would have told me," he says, pushing past the urge to just give in and accept the words he'd been longing to hear. If Jin Guangyao had told him even in the midst of their struggle that he wanted Lan Xichen at his side, he might not have been able to give a clear-headed answer. But now, having had time to sort out his mind, he holds back. "I want to support you, A-Yao, and I want you to have a new life. But I was beside you then, too, and it only hurt us both in the end. You'll forget that too?"

He can't believe it. After seeing the hurt and malice in his brother's eyes right before his fall, Lan Xichen can't imagine that Jin Guangyao is that willing to move on. He hopes he is, but he's not quite the same man he was growing up in Cloud Recesses now. Asking questions has become more and more part of him since he lost everyone else.