Jin Guangyao smiled faintly. Whereas he'd almost always been able to find some way to make other people happy, except for the one that he wanted the most for so long. It was impossible to say what could have been, if circumstances were different. But there was one thing to be certain of, that he'd been so driven for something that was impossible to get.
How could Lan Xichen possibly have done anything, when even a good word from both his brothers hadn't been enough to even be seen by his father in his youth? When he was only even allowed into the sect after risking his life for so long for one decisive move? When even after all that he was given a courtesy name that let everyone know by generational character know he might belong to Jin sect, but was never meant to succeed his father?
The happiest his father had ever made him, in the end, was when he got to watch him struggle weakly before his ignominious death -- and later, looking properly sorrowful yet mildly embarrassed at the funeral while laughing inside at the whispers in the back of the gathering.
A tainted happiness by comparison to what he felt seeing Lan Xichen's smile in the quieter times that followed, helping to rebuild Cloud Recesses, discussing the watch tower plans. Quiet visits that he could always look forward to, not marred by the fears and worries of politics with the other sects. A man who'd only ever shown him kindness and brotherly love up until the end.
"I only ever wished the same. So how could I tell you those things?" he admits. "I spent too long trying to get something that was impossible, but there was never anything you could do about that. So you don't need to ask that question anymore. If we can put the past behind, I will be happy enough as long as you are beside me."
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How could Lan Xichen possibly have done anything, when even a good word from both his brothers hadn't been enough to even be seen by his father in his youth? When he was only even allowed into the sect after risking his life for so long for one decisive move? When even after all that he was given a courtesy name that let everyone know by generational character know he might belong to Jin sect, but was never meant to succeed his father?
The happiest his father had ever made him, in the end, was when he got to watch him struggle weakly before his ignominious death -- and later, looking properly sorrowful yet mildly embarrassed at the funeral while laughing inside at the whispers in the back of the gathering.
A tainted happiness by comparison to what he felt seeing Lan Xichen's smile in the quieter times that followed, helping to rebuild Cloud Recesses, discussing the watch tower plans. Quiet visits that he could always look forward to, not marred by the fears and worries of politics with the other sects. A man who'd only ever shown him kindness and brotherly love up until the end.
"I only ever wished the same. So how could I tell you those things?" he admits. "I spent too long trying to get something that was impossible, but there was never anything you could do about that. So you don't need to ask that question anymore. If we can put the past behind, I will be happy enough as long as you are beside me."